I learned a hard lesson after my last relationship ended. When it all went to shit, I had no one. Not because people didn’t care, but because I had neglected the ones who did. My girlfriend had been my priority, my world. I treated her like my best friend, my closest confidant, my everything. And then, when she betrayed me, I was left with nothing but the emptiness of realizing I had no solid friendships to fall back on.
I reached out to a few friends after the breakup, but the connection wasn’t the same. It had fizzled out over time, weakened by my absence, by the way I had placed my relationship above everything else. And in that moment, when I was at my lowest, I felt completely screwed. My mental health plummeted. I was in a dark place emotionally, spiraling without direction.
But Paul was there.
He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t hold my past neglect against me. He checked in on me constantly, sent messages just to see how I was doing. He asked me questions that no one else did, not out of obligation, but because he genuinely cared.
One day, he asked me, “Walter, what have you learned from this?”
And I told him the truth: I had neglected my friendships when I was in my relationship. I had treated my girlfriend as my sole source of emotional support, my best friend, my everything. But when that relationship collapsed, I had no foundation left because my friendships had faded into the background.
Paul was the only one who stayed, not because he had to, but because that’s who he was. A real friend. A rare kind of friend. The kind that shows up without expectation, even when you don’t deserve it. And that’s when I understood something I should have known all along:
Even when you’re in a romantic relationship, your friendships are just as important. Because when all goes to shit, who’s really there for you?
It’s easy to get lost in the intensity of love, to make your partner your entire world. But love should never come at the cost of the friendships that ground you. Real friendships don’t demand constant attention, but they do require care. They need to be nurtured, not abandoned.
Losing my relationship was painful, but losing Paul hurts more, because friends like him don’t come around often. If you have people in your life who genuinely care, don’t let them fade into the background. Make time for them. Keep them close. Because when life gets messy—and it always does—you’ll need more than one person to help you through it.
And if you’re lucky, you’ll have a friend like Paul.
But don’t wait until it’s too late to realize who really matters.
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